Top 5 Rodney Dangerfield jokes

1. I was an ugly kid. When I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself.

2. This girl was ugly. They used her in prisons to cure sex offenders.

3. I know I'm getting old. When I whack off I get tired holding up the magazine.

4. Hey, I gotta be honest with you. I'm not a fabulous lover. My wife and I were in bed on our wedding night and she said, "Well honey, this is it." I said, "Honey that was it."

5. With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.