Why can't PetSmart answer its phones?

I've called my local PetSmart the last three business days trying to make a grooming appointment for my dog.

I'm promptly greeted with a barrage of PetSmart taglines that employees have to rattle off before they're allowed to say, "How can I help you?"

I ask to be transferred to the grooming department - and that's where the trouble begins.

Over the last three business days, grooming doesn't answer their phone and I'm eventually bounced back to the first person I spoke with. They transfer me again and process repeats until I finally hang up out of frustration.

This has gone on for the last three days. I started keeping track of the time I've spent to date:

Avg. time spent on hold trying to make appointment:
9 minutes per call.

Avg. total time spent on hold trying to make appointment:
27 minutes.

One PetSmart employee I spoke with told me that grooming doesn't have a designated person to answer their phone and that they can't leave dogs on the grooming table to answer incoming calls to take appointments. Sounds efficient!

Today I called PetSmart's customer service number, (800) 738-1385 ext. 2518, explaining to them I just wanted to make an appointment for my dog and that no one will answer the phone during business hours.

The woman confirmed my suspicion - this is indeed a bad business practice!

She even did perpetrated an annoying customer service that all PetSmart employees seem obligated to do; asking all sorts of inane questions about the dog including his age, breed, etc. - none of which has anything to do with, in this case, answering a phone.

The genuinely concerned cust. serv. rep. took all my info and said she'd look into it. She failed to give her name (in case I needed to call her back) and I failed to ask for it, because she actually sounded like she gave a crap.

I should have known better.

Call me naive, but I figure if somone says they're gonna call back, they will call back. That was hours ago.

Well, the cust. serv. rep hasn't called.
Nor has anyone from PetSmart.
And my dog still needs a haircut.

Update #1, 4:00 p.m., 6/6/06: I just called again to see if corporate HQ had cracked down and gotten its employees to answer the phone. When I asked to make a grooming appointment, the person who answered the phone said, "our groomers are incredibly busy right now" and gave me the option to leave a message or call back.

I chose the latter option because I've committed PetSmart's phone number to memory and I figure an incredibly busy groomer probably has a lot of dogs to deal with.

So, while PetSmart seems to have addressed the problem of bouncing around customers in phone purgatory, making a grooming appointment remains an impossible task.

I even called a local pet groomer to take my business elsewhere, something I should have done in the first place, but they were booked up six to seven weeks in advance. Meanwhile, my dog still needs a haircut.

Update #2, 11:30 a.m., 6/7/2006: My local PetSmart called after corporate followed up on my complaint. They were awfully wishy-washy and reiterated the "we're so darn busy" line I got yesterday.

I told them that this morning, after four days of being unable to make an appointment at PetSmart, I made an appointment with another business (who answered their phone on the first ring.)

Not surprisingly, the PetSmart representative made no effort to keep my business and offered a half-hearted apology, adding, "well, hopefully this won't happen the next time."

Next time?!

Update #3, 12:10 p.m., 6/7/2006: Even e-mailing PetSmart is a challenge!

I tried e-mailing the customer service e-mail listed on their Web site (storehelp@petsmart.com) and I got an auto-generated response, indicating it's no longer valid and directing me to another e-mail form.