Making sense of drunk driving tragedy

I have little, if any, tolerance for the actions of drunk drivers. I personally have been involved in two close calls involving drunk drivers.

In one instance, I was able to react and get out of the way of a drunk driver who weaved uncontrollably in traffic, striking a car, then fleeing the scene.

In another case, I merged onto a four-lane highway from I-95 and encountered a drunk driver directly in my path as they drove down the wrong side of the road.

Once again, I was able to get out of the driver's path and avoid injury.

Then there's my sister, who was sitting at a traffic light during evening rush hour. As she waited to make a turn, she was hit from behind by a drunk driver, who fled the scene. While she wasn't seriously injured, she experienced mild recurring injuries that required therapy.

And then there are the cases where people involved in drunk driving collisions aren't as lucky.

I felt sadness when I learned earlier this week that Phil Healy, an acquaintance who I met through the music scene in Delaware, was killed in a car crash. As a fellow musician for over 15 years in the local music scene, I felt an unspoken kinship with Healy and other musicians in the scene like him. It seemed as if "one of us" had been taken away.

Then I learned more about the accident.

I found out that Healy, who had a previous drunk driving conviction, had been drinking before the accident, that he had a minor accident and fled the scene. I winced as I read news reports of how he drove on the wrong side of the road at a high speed, coming to rest only after colliding head-on with a clearly marked State Trooper's vehicle driven by Officer Christopher Shea. The crash killed both Shea and Healy.

My sadness was still there, but as I try to come to terms with what's happened, I've felt angry, frustrated and irritated over Phil's actions and the impact they have had on so many people's lives.

How could someone do something so stupid?

When someone is seemingly together and bright, like Phil was, it's hard to understand how they could make bad choices and how they weren't able to receive the type of help, counseling and treatment needed to overcome their problems and make wiser choices.

The whole situation is inexplicable.

Phil was an intelligent guy. He was well-spoken, a gifted musician and in my experience, an amicable person. I always liked Phil, but right now I'm totally pissed off over what he did.

Christopher Shea's family and friends are crushed. Shea's wife now has to deal with many different kinds of devastation. There's the obvious emotional impact that will be painfully present for weeks, months and years to come.

But there's also the financial devastation, insurance matters and potential litigation that are bound to drag on for months, and possibly years, as Shea's widow tries putting her life back together. Shea's two children, a three-year-old and eleven-month-old have been robbed of experiencing a life with their father.

Everyone can agree that the whole situation is awful.

But it raises the question, how do we cope with this?

What is the appropriate response when a loved one like Phil Healy, who everyone agrees was a good person, does something really bad?

Phil was a friend to many, a teacher who did his part in educating children and a musician who entertained many people. Now his family and friends are experiencing devastation and feelings of losing a beloved friend and family member. And there is probably guilt, anger and confusion as well.

And those left to deal with the aftermath of Healy's actions? What are they experiencing? Rage. Anger. Mourning. The desire for revenge. These things all come up as they process the loss of their beloved friend, co-worker, public servant, husband, father, etc.

As I sit here and reflect on all of this, I can't figure out an appropriate way to conclude these thoughts.

It reminds me of a time I was at the movies when the film unexpectedly stopped during the plot's climax.

As I sat there in darkness I thought to myself, this can't be.

As I waited, nothing happened. The film never came back on.

Then somone came in telling the audience that the projector light had burned out and no replacement was available.

I sat there in disbelief as the house lights came up.

I waited for sometime, hoping that somehow the film would miraculously come back on, which it didn't.

I never did find out how that film ended.